Jonathan Makiri

Photo Stories: If It Wasn't For Maddy...

Kellie's home in Clinton, Missouri, is clearly dominated by the life of her 4 year-old daughter, Maddy. Miniature castles, doll brushes and plastic shoes litter the carpet. Disney’s Little Mermaid blasts from the television screen. Mother and daughter giggle as their pink collared black Labrador chases a laser pointer.

Maddy’s childhood takes precedence beyond doubt and the whimsical relationship she shares with her mother highlights the innate mothering skills Kellie enjoys.

When night arrives and a full day has exhausted Maddy, Kellie, a 24-year old single mother, is often alone and forced to deal with a difficult past she has worked hard to overcome. She suffers from anxiety brought on by a history of sexual abuse, a close friend lost to suicide, psychiatric issues, rejecting the Mormon church and a divided family.

Kellie is determined to protect her daughter from the suffering she has endured herself allowing only trusted friends and family into their lives.

"I want her to feel safe in life," says Kellie. "Something I've never felt."

THIS STORY WON THE HOWARD CHAPNICK AWARD AT 63RD ANNUAL MISSOURI PHOTO WORKSHOP.

   
Kellie, 24, has lived a life of suffering and loss, enduring episodes of sexual abuse, a close friend lost to suicide, psychiatric counseling and substance abuse.
  
In 2007, at the age of 20, Kellie gave birth to Maddisyn ("Maddy"), the result of an affair with a man 11 years older than her. The two share a deep connection, often isolated, with Kellie allowing few people into their lives
     
  
"If it wasn't for Maddy, I wouldn't be here today," says Kellie. "I want her to feel safe in life, something I've never felt."
   
Maddy's grandparents are the only family that Kellie allows her to interact with. Kellie claims that a history of sexual abuse "plagues" her family.
   
Kellie exercises with one of her few trusted friends, Wesley. Kellie and Wesley shared a close friend who committed suicide three years ago.
     
  
"I'm interested in truth and growing as a person," says Kellie. "Unlike many people I know, I can't ignore my past."
   
Raised as a Mormon, Kellie has recently rejected the teachings of the Mormon church. "It's all about control and contradictions and ignoring truth." Here Kellie stands outside her home before leaving for a concert in Kansas City.
  
Maddy and Kellie share a meal and movie in their home.
     
  
Filled with anxiety and anger, Kellie will sometimes "self-medicate" with alcohol after Maddy falls asleep. "I know I can't do this forever, but it's better than popping pills or being at the bar looking for a man."
   
Kellie sunbathes on a trampoline outside her home. "My neighbors are scared of me."
   
Kellie has worked at the local cinema for eight years and Maddy accompanies her most nights.
     
  
Kellie talks on the phone while at work where she works six days a week in order to support herself and Maddy. Kellie receives $300 a month in child support.
   
Kellie helps Maddy off the roof of the cinema. Most nights the two have the theatre to themselves with only a handful of customers coming in during the night.
   
Kellie suffers from insomnia and drinks to help her fall asleep.
     
  
Maddy, four, has yet to attend school. "I'll probably keep her back a year," says Kellie. "I want to spend as much time with her now while I'm doing alright."
   
Kellie sits on her porch shortly after waking up. "I'm not a perfect mom, I know that. But I want to be a mom."